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Let me know by 11:00 tomorrow what day and time you need to go since I must give advance notice to my work. I can make time to help you drop off your car for repairs on Saturday or Tuesday.

As I said this morning, I couldn’t miss my meeting. I hope you’re happy!” Sue’s response: “Hi Bob, I’m glad you were able to make it and that you still have your job. But you couldn’t be bothered with helping me get there, could you? You could have taken time off to help YOUR OWN BROTHER!!! Mom’s mad at you too. You know I’ve been meaning to get the car checked. Some sister you are! I told you I couldn’t be late again.

I couldn’t get it done and it’s YOUR fault! EVERYONE thinks so!!!” You: “Hi Coworker A, I appreciate your concern for getting reports in on time. You’re so important you thought you could get away with a TWO-HOUR BREAK. Team member email: “Who do you think you are? You’re messing up the whole project and making me look bad!!!! You know we were supposed to turn in the figures yesterday, but noooo. Here are excerpts from a recent post on the BIFF blog that gives hypothetical scenarios of BIFF in action: Or give two choices on an issue and ask for a reply by a certain date.Ī corollary is to avoid the Three A’s: advice (telling the other person how they should behave or feel rarely works offer a plan or proposal instead), admonishment (chiding the other person or saying they’re overreacting will only make them more defensive) and apologies (this usually backfires with high-conflict people, who interpret an apology as an admission of guilt). Have a friendly greeting (“Thanks for responding to my request”) and close in a similar manner (“Have a good weekend”).

Focus on straight information – not arguments, opinions, emotions or defending yourself. That’s where the four-step BIFF method comes in: Despite the ugly tone, a response is required. This can be done in person, by mail, on the phone or by device. Sometimes, of course, an important message is delivered in an unpleasant way. Do you really need to waste your time with a reply? Then take another look at the offensive missive. Gaze out your window at the sunny blue sky. If the statement is simply hostile or accusatory (“You are such an idiot!”) just delete it and move on.Īnd yet how many times have you received a barbed email, only to immediately fall victim to your lizard brain and blast right back, which of course sets off a chain reaction that lasts all day? Step one is to determine if you need to even bothering responding at all. The best part of BIFF is it’s easy to remember and use. Sometimes The Best Response is No Response They can be found in every law office.Īnd BIFF is particularly helpful in a world where our fingers can fire off tweets and texts before our brains have time to catch up. His technique may come in handy when you’re hit with a question or demand from a high-conflict individual. He is also the author of “BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns,” which can be found here. The BIFF Response Method – brief, informative, friendly and firm – is the brainchild of an attorney who has spent his career working with difficult people.īill Eddy is a California therapist, trainer, mediator and attorney with a specialty certification in family law. Next time you find yourself dealing with an argumentative attorney or an irate client, try giving them a shot of BIFF. Email Pin on Pinterest Share on Google+ Share on LinkedIn Share on Twitter Share on Facebook